Sometimes Things Get Worse Before They Get Better

I’m feeling a restless need to process truth that I know at the moment instead of in taking truth.  (That is to say, I feel like writing instead of reading.  I always have solid books to read, but when I can’t focus on them, sometimes it means my brain is busy figuring out what to do with what I’ve read, what I already know, what I’ve experienced, etc. Even through processing by writing though I am in taking truth so maybe that’s not the best analogy.  For now it will do.) 

God is using painful circumstances to humble me. 

The greatest circumstance I would submit to this point would be my current unemployment.  Ever since I lost my job in 2009 it has been a struggle for me to find work.  I had some bad experiences with a temp agency.  I found a tutoring position that ended within a month because it lost funding.  I auditioned to work at a catering business, but even though I was going as fast as I could, I was just too slow in making the product. 

I worked for a summer camp.  I worked at Chipotle.  I worked at a local bakery for one of the craziest bosses in the world.  Really I was too slow at both Chipotle and the bakery.  I suppose me and the food industry do not mix. 

I worked and still work for Easter Seals UCP.  And I have enjoyed working there, but just have never broke into full time employment there, instead trying to juggle multiple clients. 

Ahhh, there was a brief time of relief for me when I got my job at UMAR.  I was able to work 30 hours a week with my CAP program participant, and it was so fun!  And a huge stress relief.  I worked with her from late July 2012 until November 2012.  Then she left the house, and left me without a job. 

Although, I have been able to fill in at the UMAR house some days.  If I was able to be a residential counselor I would, but the meds I take at night really knock me out and I fear I would not be much help if there was an emergency in the middle of the night.  And that actually would happen.  This is just to say, I cannot take the RC position with UMAR because I would be responsible for the program participants overnight.  Not all group homes have the same structure with their RC schedules, and I’ve applied to many different group homes. 

I really thought I was a competitive candidate to be a teacher’s assistant in an EC classroom, because of my experience with individuals with special needs.  But, I’ve only had one interview for one of those positions.  I’m hoping to be considered for next school year as well.  I’d love to be a TA for any class.  Pursuing that though has been a dead end thus far. 

I’ve recently started filling in for clients at Maxim, but that’s all it has been, fill in. 

So… it’s been rough, looking for jobs, applying for jobs.  I’m convinced that you really have to network and know someone to get a job.  All of these random jobs I’ve applied for online, I never hear back from. 

For me, a graduate from one of the top schools in the country, a person who thinks herself somewhat intelligent and certainly capable of being trained to do many jobs with excellence, well… to not have anyone knocking on my door asking me to work with them, it’s been frustrating.  And embarrassing.  I don’t think people who have never gone through this really understand it.  Thankfully people have backed off as far as asking me tons of questions about my job search. 

It’s hard though, to keep trusting in God to provide when it seems like He’s keeping jobs from you! 

I’m thankful to have friends praying for me, especially for my heart to not become bitter.  I think that if I was not a Christian, it would be very bitter, and that is very sad. 

Thank goodness Christ is constantly working to redeem and restore my life. 

Anyhow, I’m reflecting on this seemingly fruitless, or almost fruitless, time of my life, because I’ve been thinking about how in the Bible, oftentimes circumstances get much worse, almost hopeless, before they get better.  And it’s a perspective that’s giving me hope. 

I’m reading in Exodus right now, how God used Moses to bring His children out of Egypt to the promised land.  And some of the horrible things that happened before God’s children left Egypt.  Like all the baby boys being killed because of Pharaoh’s command.  Like how every time Moses went to Pharaoh to tell him to let the Israelites go, Pharaoh would harden his heart and make the work of the slaves even harder, not providing straw for the bricks, still demanding the same number of bricks.  Every plague I’m sure the Israelites thought, surely now Pharaoh will let us go, but every time he hardened his heart and would not let them go.  It was not until the death of the firstborn son of all of Egypt that Pharaoh broke and screamed for the Israelites  to leave because they were a stench to Him. 

The point is, things got worse, much much worse, before they ever got better. 

God was completely in control.  He knew that Pharaoh would harden his heart.  He knew how many plagues would happen, and used each plague to destroy the reputation of the idols of Egypt.  He knew that things would get harder and more severe for His people.  But his deliverance showed His glory uniquely to Egypt and all the surrounding nations, that they would see the mighty hand of God and tremble. 

Of course we can look to the death and resurrection to see that when Christ was crucified, there was a very dark Saturday before the resurrection on Sunday.  Although it must have seemed like the universe was out of control when Christ was on the cross, God was most in control, securing the salvation of His bride through the death of His son. 

This is God calling me to a greater trust in Him.  I do not know if I will find a job tomorrow or a year from tomorrow.  Things seem bleak now but they could be worse.  But even if I never find another job, the resurrection of Christ has guaranteed a better day for me, when I will be in His very presence, and thus secured a greater hope and anticipation for that day to come soon.  This side of heaven may seem fruitless, purposeless, frustrating, dark, but as dark as it may get, as bad as circumstances could become here on earth, things will get better.