Should we forgive Jodi Arias?

I haven’t posted in a while, but a small glimpse of the Jodi Arias final deliberations got me fired up.


This man, reporter maybe, I don’t know who he was, why he was interviewed, but he told the victims of her crime to hate her the rest of her life, and don’t worry about forgiveness because it’s overrated.

I guess that’s sadly the conclusion that those without Christ would come to.

Who wants to live a life filled with hate? Doesn’t that trap you into the crime perpetually? Is that what you want to get your identity from? Forgiveness brings freedom and healing.

But do we have to forgive even the most cruel crimes?

We can and should hate evil. And that means we want justice when someone has done a crime.

But for Christians, unforgiveness is not an option.

The truth is that we all have committed the worst of crimes by rebelling against God and trying to steal His Glory as our own. We have set ourselves to be our own god, and we constantly turn to things created to be our other gods, our idols, worshiping the creation over the Creator. Our hearts are wicked and sinful and only full of evil.

But God.

Even though we rebelled against Him, and deserve to die condemned to hell righteously, God made a way for our salvation. That way was to sacrifice His own Son, and have His Son die on a cross to take the penalty for our sin. Then, He rose His Son from the grave, and demonstrated His power over life and death through the crucifixion and resurrection. This was the only way God could forgive our sins, through the shed blood of His perfect Son.

God showed His children grace and forgiveness, and He calls all who follow Him to offer that forgiveness to others. Not because they deserve forgiveness, but because God showed us forgiveness and allows us the opportunity to share that with others, and draw them closer to God.

Should we hate the crime and horrible way Jodi killed her boyfriend? Yes!

Should we hate Jodi?

Certainly that would be the easy thing to do, but if you are a follower of Christ, you are not left with that option.

“but God shows shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15

Sometimes Things Get Worse Before They Get Better

I’m feeling a restless need to process truth that I know at the moment instead of in taking truth.  (That is to say, I feel like writing instead of reading.  I always have solid books to read, but when I can’t focus on them, sometimes it means my brain is busy figuring out what to do with what I’ve read, what I already know, what I’ve experienced, etc. Even through processing by writing though I am in taking truth so maybe that’s not the best analogy.  For now it will do.) 

God is using painful circumstances to humble me. 

The greatest circumstance I would submit to this point would be my current unemployment.  Ever since I lost my job in 2009 it has been a struggle for me to find work.  I had some bad experiences with a temp agency.  I found a tutoring position that ended within a month because it lost funding.  I auditioned to work at a catering business, but even though I was going as fast as I could, I was just too slow in making the product. 

I worked for a summer camp.  I worked at Chipotle.  I worked at a local bakery for one of the craziest bosses in the world.  Really I was too slow at both Chipotle and the bakery.  I suppose me and the food industry do not mix. 

I worked and still work for Easter Seals UCP.  And I have enjoyed working there, but just have never broke into full time employment there, instead trying to juggle multiple clients. 

Ahhh, there was a brief time of relief for me when I got my job at UMAR.  I was able to work 30 hours a week with my CAP program participant, and it was so fun!  And a huge stress relief.  I worked with her from late July 2012 until November 2012.  Then she left the house, and left me without a job. 

Although, I have been able to fill in at the UMAR house some days.  If I was able to be a residential counselor I would, but the meds I take at night really knock me out and I fear I would not be much help if there was an emergency in the middle of the night.  And that actually would happen.  This is just to say, I cannot take the RC position with UMAR because I would be responsible for the program participants overnight.  Not all group homes have the same structure with their RC schedules, and I’ve applied to many different group homes. 

I really thought I was a competitive candidate to be a teacher’s assistant in an EC classroom, because of my experience with individuals with special needs.  But, I’ve only had one interview for one of those positions.  I’m hoping to be considered for next school year as well.  I’d love to be a TA for any class.  Pursuing that though has been a dead end thus far. 

I’ve recently started filling in for clients at Maxim, but that’s all it has been, fill in. 

So… it’s been rough, looking for jobs, applying for jobs.  I’m convinced that you really have to network and know someone to get a job.  All of these random jobs I’ve applied for online, I never hear back from. 

For me, a graduate from one of the top schools in the country, a person who thinks herself somewhat intelligent and certainly capable of being trained to do many jobs with excellence, well… to not have anyone knocking on my door asking me to work with them, it’s been frustrating.  And embarrassing.  I don’t think people who have never gone through this really understand it.  Thankfully people have backed off as far as asking me tons of questions about my job search. 

It’s hard though, to keep trusting in God to provide when it seems like He’s keeping jobs from you! 

I’m thankful to have friends praying for me, especially for my heart to not become bitter.  I think that if I was not a Christian, it would be very bitter, and that is very sad. 

Thank goodness Christ is constantly working to redeem and restore my life. 

Anyhow, I’m reflecting on this seemingly fruitless, or almost fruitless, time of my life, because I’ve been thinking about how in the Bible, oftentimes circumstances get much worse, almost hopeless, before they get better.  And it’s a perspective that’s giving me hope. 

I’m reading in Exodus right now, how God used Moses to bring His children out of Egypt to the promised land.  And some of the horrible things that happened before God’s children left Egypt.  Like all the baby boys being killed because of Pharaoh’s command.  Like how every time Moses went to Pharaoh to tell him to let the Israelites go, Pharaoh would harden his heart and make the work of the slaves even harder, not providing straw for the bricks, still demanding the same number of bricks.  Every plague I’m sure the Israelites thought, surely now Pharaoh will let us go, but every time he hardened his heart and would not let them go.  It was not until the death of the firstborn son of all of Egypt that Pharaoh broke and screamed for the Israelites  to leave because they were a stench to Him. 

The point is, things got worse, much much worse, before they ever got better. 

God was completely in control.  He knew that Pharaoh would harden his heart.  He knew how many plagues would happen, and used each plague to destroy the reputation of the idols of Egypt.  He knew that things would get harder and more severe for His people.  But his deliverance showed His glory uniquely to Egypt and all the surrounding nations, that they would see the mighty hand of God and tremble. 

Of course we can look to the death and resurrection to see that when Christ was crucified, there was a very dark Saturday before the resurrection on Sunday.  Although it must have seemed like the universe was out of control when Christ was on the cross, God was most in control, securing the salvation of His bride through the death of His son. 

This is God calling me to a greater trust in Him.  I do not know if I will find a job tomorrow or a year from tomorrow.  Things seem bleak now but they could be worse.  But even if I never find another job, the resurrection of Christ has guaranteed a better day for me, when I will be in His very presence, and thus secured a greater hope and anticipation for that day to come soon.  This side of heaven may seem fruitless, purposeless, frustrating, dark, but as dark as it may get, as bad as circumstances could become here on earth, things will get better. 

I was wrong - God is humbling me

About humility that is. 

If humility is simply a question of putting others before yourself, then yes anyone can practice humility, however flawed that attempt may be. 

This I argued frustratingly in Bible Fellowship one time, because it's a bit gray, of course Christians can be humble, but can't non Christians also display characteristics of God because they are made in his image?  They could demonstrate the gifts of God without recognizing where those gifts come from, right?

But I recently have been reading Humility, True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney, and he gives a different definition to humility. 

Humility is honestly assessing ourselves in light of God's holiness and our sinfulness. 

Wow. 

There leaves no room for a non-Christian to be capable of true humility, because a non-Christian could not even understand that juxtaposition. 

So I would like to formally admit I was wrong to try to defend non-Christians as being able to demonstrate humility, thus humbling myself and my pride in the process.

I only pray that God will continue to keep me humble throughout my life, graciously showing me errors, flaws, and sins, patiently waiting for me to conclude rightly that I must ascribe all glory for anything good in my life to Him, drawing me closer to His love through the cross and His power through the resurrection. 

I have been using a prayer that J.D. Greear shared in his book Gospel: Recovering the Power that made Christianity Revolutionary.  It helps me remember many truths about my salvation, God's greatness, my responsibilities as a Christian, His love and compasssion and power.  I'll share it here because it might be of some encouragement to you as well. 

"In Christ, there is nothing I can do that will make you love me more, and nothing I have done that makes you love me less.
Your presence and approval are all I need for everlasting joy.
As you have been to me, so I will be to others. 
As I pray, I'll measure your compassion by the cross, and your power by the resurrection."

This recollection of encouraging truths has influenced me in a positive manner, especially in developing my prayer life.  May it be an encouragement to you as well, and help us all remember our faith is a gift of God, keeping us humble in light of His grace. 

Lyrical Theology

While I’m sitting here with my mom watching another wonderful movie thanks to Netflix for keeping the hits coming, I thought I’d review the latest album I’ve gotten, Lyrical Theology by Shai Linne.  Let me just say, I wish all albums produced such giddiness in me. 

I LOVE THIS ALBUM.  It was love at first hearing.  Listening to each song was like opening another wonderful present.  I never knew this music was missing from my heart until I heard it and it brought such joy! 

Maybe the beats are an old school throw back, but Lyrical Theology delivers with it’s lyrics.  These songs are very deliberate in unfolding Biblical Reformed theology in an easy to understand way, so you don’t have to be a scholar to understand what he’s saying. 

I don’t know, I’ve never heard an album just break down in a systematic theology path.  But literally I smile listening to every song. I’m not lying or exaggerating when I say it makes me giddy. 

Table of Contents gives an overview of where Shai’s theology will go in the album, and this song introduces the powerful theological truths that are about to be broken down.  There is no mistaking where this man is going, and it’s in a "no apologies this is what the Bible says" direction. 

And then Shai takes us there, from the hypostatic union, to active obedience… and let’s clarify, the active obedience is the active obedience of Christ, not our works.  Exalted is a sweet praise song thrown in the mix.  Regeneration, The Holy Spirit, Election… who writes songs unpacking these theological truths?  Shai, thank you brother.

Cosmic powers brings us the reality of the spiritual battle we’re all in, and it’s important to have that perpective, especially… our culture tends to ignore anything supernatural.  I wish there were more songs like this, how to engage in spiritual warfare.  Maybe that’s because of my own struggles with experiencing spiritual warfare and delusions and hallucinations, and I’m desperate for encouragement.  That to say, I appreciate this song a lot. 

False Teachers is by far the most controversial song of the album.  But I love it, it really blasts a lot of the blasphemous teachers out there getting away with lies virtually unscathed.  There will always be people wanting the health and wealth prosperity gospel, but the more people that are warned that that is NOT the Gospel, the better.  Shai takes responsibity of teaching his fans how to discern false doctrines.  Then he actually calls out some of the many false teachers in our society, Joel Osteen and then some.  I haven’t heard artists outright explicitly name those false teachers so I’m glad to hear it said.  This song should stir up conversations that need to be had, especially in the church, because false teachers really are confusing the flock and misleading them. 

Preach it Shai!

The rest of the songs are just as vibrant.  I really enjoy the Q and A with Stephen the Levite… but I enjoy them all actually.  I love a song that challenges us to read the Word, and With All My Mind seems the most fitting song to end an album that has engaged our minds with rich theology. 

I love the album because it brings these great theological truths into songs that people can understand and follow and learn from, and it's straight up good rap.  Music is SO influential to a person’s life, mind, soul, everything.  So, any album that can engage the Gospel clearly, explicitly, theologically sound, is a hit in my book.  Lyrical Theology is not just another hit, though, it hits the ball out of the park.  Please get the album and listen up J  and be blessed. 

French Fries

A little rhyme I made with a client today while she snacked on her favorite: FRENCH FRIES!

I love my french fries; they're the best
All other foods can take a rest
My tastebuds put them to the test
Yes french fries are the very best

Let me catch up on my ketchup
If you like french fries come on stand up

The fries at the bowling alley
Rack up some of the highest tally
They always bowl a perfect strike
Tasty yeah that's what I like

Yeah french fries are the very best
When I eat them I'm truly blessed   :) 

Teaching Overseas and the Will of God

I’ve decided I’m going to teach in East Asia for at least a year.  I’d like to go within the year, actually by September, but I do have some affairs to put in order, mostly financial affairs.  What an irony that I need to have money saved to go to a job where I will make money. 

Still, I’ve had mixed responses to my decision, and not all good ones. 

I know my mom doesn’t think I should go overseas. 

Something to do with the risks of being bi-polar.  I get that there’s risk, but there’s risk anywhere in the world that I could go.  I’m not going to spend the rest of my life in Clemmons out of fear. 

I actually haven’t talked a lot in detail about this yet.  But the girls I have breakfast with on Sunday mornings had a definite shock to my revelation. 

And, it wasn’t a good shock, it was a this could be a really bad idea shock. 

Sylvia did have a good point that it would be a huge risk because this past time I had to go to the hospital, I was at home with support systems in place.  What if I had to go to the hospital overseas, with no support?

Well, I guess I’d get to write about the hospitals in China… or Japan… or Indonesia… either way I have a feeling it’d make for an intriguing book.  Although not having visitors in a hospital really sucks, I’m not going to lie. 

Lora was like, you need to make sure you have enough saved up, what if you needed an emergency plane ticket back to the U.S.?  This I would probably have neglected if I had just completely impulsively left in the next month.  Seriously would have said whatever!  Sheesh. 

You know, I could just immediately, if I really wanted to. Would just have to wait for passport and visa, but I could negotiate a plane ticket over if I wanted a job bad enough.  That’s how much they really want native English speaking teachers.  That is very good for me.

There’s this verse in Acts I’ve been meditating on, well, a couple of verses… but they say,”For if this plan or this undertaking is of man, it will fail, but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You might even be found opposing God.” Acts 5:38-39

So… this Pharisee here, Gamaliel, is speaking to the Pharisees to leave the apostles alone and see whether their teachings will remain or simply run out of steam and perish.  The apostles were on fire, literal tongues of fire at Pentecost had come and given them supernatural abilities to preach the gospel in all different languages and do miracles in Christ’s name, it was pretty awesome… and the Pharisees were not happy about it.  Well, they were being blamed for crucifying Jesus, but they did, so… anyhow, the legacy of the apostles is penned in the New Testament for us to see the power of the Gospel today, so I’d say their teachings were legit. 

Anyhow, I think there’s a good understanding here of… well, I think it’s another way of trusting God’s providence.  I mean, I really do want to go overseas to live, and I’m not trying to limit this to a certain timeline and say if I’m not overseas by this time it must not be the will of God.  It’s more just… if things do not work out immediately, I guess that will be my answer.

But, I don’t think that means stop trying if you really want to do something, sometimes you really have to be persistent and go after what you want.  Plenty of people have to apply to college more than once, to grad school multiple times, to jobs they really want… you don’t give up. 

So… if a big reason I would be at risk overseas is because of my bi-polar, I better start researching now to find some good international psychiatrists.  I’m sure there are plenty in the bigger cities of Asia, it’s a matter of finding the right one for me, and then that would direct my job search big time.  Right now, I’m casting the nets to see what the catch has.  I’ll let you know the fruits of my labor. 

 

Joseph's Many Blessings

After reading Genesis 41, I have a few deeper thoughts to ponder about Joseph.  I’m not sure what I already wrote, so sorry if it’s redundant.  But, my heart read this part of the story in more detail this morning. 

First of all, I notice God’s timing in all of these events.  In Genesis 40, we see Joseph in charge of the prison interpreting the dreams of Pharaoh’s servants.  God gives him the interpretations, and each of the dreams came true.  However, when the cupbearer is restored to his position in the palace, he forgets about Joseph for the next two years.  Joseph asked him to remember him and try to get him out of prison.  He was in prison unjustly, for not sleeping with his boss’s wife.  She totally set him up for that… making sure there were no helpers in the house… trying to lure him into bed… I’m sure she was beautiful, she was the wife of an Egyptian stud leader, I’m sure he had his pick of beautiful women.  But Joseph is resolute, he will not defile his master in such a way.  Then she conveniently grabs his robe when he runs and has her story all ready to land him in prison.  She is used to having her way, and taking down anyone standing in that way.  Her husband believes her and is angry at Joseph.  I always wonder if he is simply blinded to reality by his wife’s beauty, or what.  But he throws Joseph in the can. 

P.S. Joseph’s coats keep getting him into trouble!  He needs to watch what he’s wearing. 

So all that to say, Joseph’s stuck in prison because he has integrity.  That sucks.  Then there’s this glimmer of hope of getting out when he interprets this dream of the cupbearer correctly.  Finally things will turn around for him!  And then, he’s just forgotten.  For another 2 years.  In prison.  Now, prison back in those days was not as nice as it is now.  So, his fate is even worse than what it would translate into in modern times.  But, it’s not until Pharaoh has disturbing dreams that Joseph is remembered at all.  And here’s the thing.  If Joseph had left prison two years earlier, who knows if the Pharaoh could have tracked him down.  But as it is, Pharaoh gives Joseph a chance out of chains, and God delivers Joseph from the prison he had been in.  God helps Joseph interpret the dreams and gives him the meaning.  Pharaoh is so impressed that he puts Joseph in charge, makes him second in command over the whole country, and Joseph is able to save many lives in Egypt during the times of extreme famine.  God knew what He was doing, keeping Joseph in chains a few years longer.  I bet Joseph didn’t know at that time what the purpose was. 

I say this because God calls me to trust his perfect timing in my life.  Maybe I have not been ready to go overseas until now, but God has prepared me.  Maybe I have not had a full time job, but God has had other things in store for me. I just know that the temptation to not trust God’s timing is always there, and having faith is moment by moment, not a one time decision.  The hard thing is not knowing the plan and how everything will turn out.  And the tricky thing is, sometimes we don’t see God’s blessings in our circumstances.  Paul was praising God in prison, when he was beaten, when he was stoned… his joy carries him through crappy circumstances.  He is thankful for his salvation and ability to endure even in, and especially in, weakness.  Circumstances are not what we should rely on for blessings, the presence of God is our blessing. 

Next, I noticed the names of Joseph’s kids, and the reasons he chooses their names.  His firstborn son’s name symbolizes that God made Joseph forget all his hardship and all his father’s house, and his second son’s name means that God has made Joseph fruitful in the land of his affliction.  So… this give me a better picture of where Joseph’s heart has been.  Being accused of a crime he was innocent for and forgotten about in prison for years did take a toll on him, I can’t imagine the scarring that was left.  And his brothers wanting to murder him and selling him into slavery?  Talk about pain and hurt.  His brothers hated and rejected him.  He could not help that he was his dad’s favorite, and apparently parents in that time just showed blatant favoritism towards their children and didn’t care that it would hurt the other kids… still.  My spirits would have been so low, even though God’s hand of blessing seemed to follow Joseph, there was a lot of pain.  But God restored Joseph, and there was healing in his heart towards all the injustices he had been through.  He could see now there was a reason.  He no longer held onto any bitterness and frustration his heart had battled.  His hardships were forgotten… maybe not the hardship of circumstances, but the hardships of his heart. 

Then, God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.  Not only has Joseph forgotten the bitterness and pain of all these horrible injustices that he endured, God has turned everything around and heaped blessings and blessings upon him.  He is fruitful.  Blessings in abundance.  Meaning, purpose, vision, hope, salvation, so many blessings.  And, I think God wants us to experience his blessings the same way.  He wants our lives to be fruitful.  He is looking for us to cling to Him for our blessings. 

There is only one God who can allow us to go through life in all different circumstances and allow us to experience His Joy when life is hard and heartbreaking  instead of bitterness and resentment.  There is only one way of salvation that brings us hope and restoration to God’s kingdom, and his name is Jesus Christ.   HE IS OUR BLESSING.  Our lives will be fruitful in the light of His glory and grace, because He does indeed restore our purpose, to bring Him glory by enjoying him forever.  What an amazing God and King!