Indicators of a Worship Problem

I love reading.  I have more books than I’m really able to read.  Owning a Kindle has not helped in this.  It is just so easy to look up a book, click a button, and BAM you own a new book! 

I’ve even found a website to get cheap and free Christian books.  I check it everyday, almost religiously – HA. 

Well… today has been a squeamish day… I’ve read two chapters that have highlighted some worship problems I have… my idolatry of money. 

I’m reading Not A Fan by Kyle Idleman, and I’ve enjoyed the book so far.  Thankfully I’ve been able to identify myself as a follower of Jesus, not a fan.  But today, the first question Kyle asked to probe the depth of my identity with Jesus was, “For What do You Sacrifice Your Money?”  I knew I was in trouble.

“How you spend your money tells a story about what matters the most to you.” 

Ouch.  I have a tumultuous relationship with money.  Right now I am a slave to my credit card debt.  It’s interesting, when my mom tries to make me feel guilty about spending money I don’t have, I blow her off and justify my spending.  I’ll pay everything back once I have a job, even if it takes a long time.  I’ve been in debt before, and I’ve gotten out of debt.  I’ve given a lot of money away in the past, to the church, to a child with Compassion International, to Opportunity International, to support friends on staff with CCC.  Maybe over my lifetime my bank account will not look as bad. 

Or maybe it will show the seasons most fruitful for me spiritually and how that did or did not correlate with my bank account and where and when I gave my money. 

A guilt trip I can blow off, but a worship problem forces me to look at the heart of the matter. 

When I spend money I do not have on a dinner out with friends, or a new book or CD… a new iPod… whatever it is, I’m actually saying, God I don’t trust You to provide what I need, so I’m going to buy what I think I need and become a slave to it.  Because really, that has put me further in debt, which is definitely a form of slavery.  Am I willing to admit that my heart is actually saying I do not trust God to provide what I need? 

Then, as if that was not enough for my heart to ponder, I read a chapter out of GOSPEL by J.D. Greear, about this line of the gospel prayer he presents in his book.

“Your presence and approval are all I need for everlasting joy.” 

Really? 

I should be preaching this to myself all the time. 

Do I desire God, or God’s blessings?  Because what I would say and what my bank statements would say are definitely two different stories. 

I’ve been through many different seasons financially in my whole lifespan of 31 years, and at least I am no longer suicidal over figuring out how to pay off debt.  However, I’m grown too accustomed to apathy towards debt.  And, the Lord is trying to tell me something, that apathy towards money is NOT AN OPTION. 

“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”  Matthew 6:24

This is also a reason we need to have close community, so other people around us can say, “Stacy, you do not have a job, why are you spending money on _______?  Do you have a worship problem?  Are you finding your satisfaction in things more than God?  Are you trusting Him to provide all you need?” 

I’ll leave musings on community for many other posts.  But, if you are misspending your money, you can hide your statements from other people, but you cannot hide them from God.