This summer has been the most dramatic summer of my life by far, and also the most free-ing. I've learned so much it's hard to think about one thing to focus in on for a blog entry. But, I might write about faith for a minute. There are things in life we can try to control and hold on to, which shows our faith is in ourselves and not really in God. The moment we let go though, our lives demonstrate this amazing opportunity to allow God to work uniquely. We'll all find ourselves in different situations for this to play out. For me, I was definitely stuck in some difficult circumstances carrying a burden I could not bear alone. But I also couldn't see a way out. I remember hearing a sermon though about God moving mountains in our lives, and seriously this summer has been God moving mountain after mountain for me. The thing is, there are still some very difficult circumstances going on with my family that are completely out of my control. I could worry about them, but what would be the point? Jesus told us very plainly not to worry. What good does it do? Now, at this juncture in my life I am finding it very easy to let go of everything, and that doesn't mean that in the future I'll always have perfect faith and will never worry about anything. However, right now I've just seen God in His Sovereignty too clearly take care of me, even though it meant that I lost my sanity for a period of time in the process. I keep laughing that my worst fear became true in a sense, I had this lurking fear that I would develop schizophrenia like my biological mother had. I was diagnosed with bi-polar with manic psychosis this summer. I was very manic and psychotic, and hyper religious. I've got a bookful of funny hospital stories, actually... okay maybe not a bookful, but the more I remember, the more I realize how out of it I had become. But I learned a lot about faith in the hospital, and trusting in God and in the body of Christ. I might not have trusted my family, the doctors, the nurses, the social workers or the medications, but thankfully the Lord graciously allowed me to trust in Him and my church family through the process. I will only be able to say a fitting thank you I'm sure on the other side of eternity to everyone who supported me through that period. But seeing how God took care of detail after detail over my life reinforces the faith I have in His Goodness and Providence over all. And, I think that's what learning to live with faith in Christ is about. Letting go of everything and allowing Him to work out His Divine Plan through you. Beleiving the promises He has given us in His Word.
I still don't understand everything or pretend to know it all. I can only rest my hope in the One who does know how His Plan for creation will be competely worked out in the end.