Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah

Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah,

Pilgrim through this barren land.

I am weak, but Thou art Mighty;

Hold me with Thy powerful hand.

Bread of Heaven,

Feed me now and evermore;

Bread of Heaven,

Feed me now and evermore/

 

Open now the crystal fountain,

Whence the healing stream doth flow;

Let the fire and cloudy pillar

Lead me all my journey through.

Strong Deliverer,

Be Thou still my Strength and Shield;

Strong Deliverer,

Be Thou still my Strength and Shield.

 

When I tread the verge of Jordan,

Bid my anxious fears subside;

Death of deaths, and hell's destruction,

Land me safe on Canaan's side.

Songs of praises, I will ever give to Thee

Songs of praises, I will ever give to Thee.

 

Land me safe on Canaan's side,

Bid my anxious fears, bid my anxious fears

 

Land me safe on Canaan's side,

Bid my anxioua fears,

Bid my anxious fears,

Goodbye

 

Land me safe on Canaan's side,

Bid my anxious fears,

bid my anxious fears

 

Land me safe on Canaan's side,

Bid my anxious fears,

bid my anxious fears,

Goodbye

 

Land me safe on Canaan's side,

Bid my anxious fears,

bid my anxious fears

Goodbye

 

Bid my anxious fears

Goodbye

A Special Friend

I have a dear friend that I have enjoyed getting to know the past year through one of the agencies I've been employed. This friend has been a great encouragement. When I was sad that my friends did not have time for me, she reminded me to be thankful that I had friends at all! She likes to pray and sing. Her favorite types of music are musicals like The Sound of Music, and Mary Poppins. She also likes Laurence Welk.


Sometimes she is stubborn, as we all can be. Sometimes she listens to me, and sometimes… well she likes to be independent and does not like other people telling her what to do.

She has a family that loves her very much, and wants to help her as much as they can. She loves going to see her parents as often as she can. She loves when her sister in law is able to come up from Charlotte to visit.

My friend loves ice cream. Her favorite kind of ice cream is chocolate. And her favorite place to get ice cream is Mayberry’s. This is very nice for me because I like Mayberry’s as well.

My friend wants us to all listen and enjoy the people around us that love to sing and tell stories. I think that is wise and compelling, because not many people feel that they are listened to. And not many people think they are appreciated. Listening well may be one of the best gifts we can offer to anybody.

I love to see the times when my friend has joy in her heart. She listens to others and takes responsibility for living as an independent adult.

What I would like for people to observe about this friend is that every day is a new day to live in a positive way. We all have bad days, but those days do not have to define us. We can learn from them and live in the wisdom that life experiences give us.

I hope that everyone is blessed to have a friend like her.

The Bad Guy and The True Good Guy

I am a people pleaser. 

To a fault, I want everybody to like me. I hate being the bad guy, I worry I won’t be able to discipline my kids if I ever have any, and then they will be really crazy and everyone will think I’m not a very good parent. I’ve always wondered if I could be strict, or if I would be too worried that I would be perceived as mean.

Until I started doing my job as a one on one with individuals with developmental disabilities.

Now, with the young lady I worked with last year, we’ll call her Tracy, overall she was pretty happy and compliant with rules and chores… until she had a weekend of meltdown bad hehaviors… but up to that point, the most trouble I had with her was limiting the sweets. If I told her no, she could not have a second piece of cake, or another cookie, she would get upset. Sometimes she would throw things on the ground. But, I was able to stand my ground. I told her she could be upset and even cry, but that she still would not get the extra cookie. Guess what?  She got over it and still loved me!

Now I’m working one on one with an older individual, Katie, and she is completely stubborn and does not want to do anything asked of her. I’ve worked with her every morning this week, and every morning she’s been late to get her meds, and then late to get dressed, late to breakfast, late to everything. Late to get going.  Stubborn. Tuesday morning she refused to get on the van for day program, and she wouldn’t move for me, the daytime staff, and even the manager! I tried to think of some kind of consequence that would motivate her… I said, Katie if you stay here, you do not get a free pass. I will make you do your big chore. Guess what? She got in the van.

Monday I had sat her down to explain why I was working one on one with her. It’s not a good thing. I’m working with her because she is not doing what she needs to do as part of the household, she’s monopolizing the staff’s time and attention so that the other ladies are over-shadowed by her bad behaviors… she takes entirely too long to do the few things she’s supposed to do, if she does them… she’s not taking care of herself… I’m the last resort of help before she’s kicked out of the house. So really, my job is somewhat sad to me.

I had to tell her that I am not there to be her friend, but that I’m there to encourage her to do her responsibilities and try to get her assimilated into the house community. So then I would probably ask things of her that she would not like or want to do.

I really talked to her about how her behaviors are disrespectful to everyone, her family, household staff, the other housemates, herself…

Basically I was explaining that I was going to be the bad guy.

I don’t think she got it in that moment, but as I’ve been on her tail all week to get her to do what she needs to do, she’s finally on to me.

I don’t like you following me, she says.

Well, if you did what you need to do, I wouldn’t have to follow you! Ahem, right now, following you is my job.

Today as she got in the van, she looked right at me and said, I don’t like you, I’m sorry, that’s just how I feel, and you are not my friend!

Okay Katie, that’s okay, I still love you, and I’m still your one on one, you’re stuck with me.

And it’s true, I do love her, and I hate to see where she’s headed. Nursing homes are just… I’m sure there are nicer ones, and her family will find the best one possible for her, because they have the money to do that… but … right now she is capable of doing so much. Once she is in a nursing home where she doesn’t have to do anything, she will quickly lose the ability to do many things, and the digression I’m sure will lead to a premature death.  Sort of, she’s already way outlived her life expectancy for her specific disability. Everyone who loves her wants so much more for her, but in fact, she may be giving up. Maybe she really is just tired and needs somewhere to rest. I think she could get plenty of rest at the home.

So, I’m being the bad guy because that’s what she needs. And actually, it’s okay. I understand that God is patient and gracious towards me, so how can I not be that towards her?

I wonder sometimes if this is the way God feels about us, when we are stubbornly persisting in our sin, and He is like, There is So Much More! I am Greater than that sin! I am who you NEED.

God has gone much further towards us than I could ever go towards Katie. He doesn’t stop an a few verbal prompts to rescue us, He has thrown His own Son to the earth to live perfectly on our behalf, to die the death our sin deserves, to rise from the grave declaring victory over sin and death and satan, to rescue us from our sins. He may seem like a bad guy when he threatens our idols or strips us bear of them, but He is the greatest Good guy in the history of the world. I am so undeserving of this wonderful gift. But I’ll take it, humbly, and by His grace He will change me into the person He’s created me to be.

Lord Jesus, let me lay Katie’s life at your feet, to do as You will, to change her heart, to make her whole. Let me point her to Your gracious love and help her to dwell at the feet of the cross. Whether she stays at the group home or moves to a nursing home, let her understand Your love that will not allow her to keep stuck in her sin but that will draw her closer to Yourself as her daughter. Thank You for  the patient love You have towards me, and let the Gospel always be a sweet reminder that even when life is hard and painful, You are still good and worthy of my praise. 

Should we forgive Jodi Arias?

I haven’t posted in a while, but a small glimpse of the Jodi Arias final deliberations got me fired up.


This man, reporter maybe, I don’t know who he was, why he was interviewed, but he told the victims of her crime to hate her the rest of her life, and don’t worry about forgiveness because it’s overrated.

I guess that’s sadly the conclusion that those without Christ would come to.

Who wants to live a life filled with hate? Doesn’t that trap you into the crime perpetually? Is that what you want to get your identity from? Forgiveness brings freedom and healing.

But do we have to forgive even the most cruel crimes?

We can and should hate evil. And that means we want justice when someone has done a crime.

But for Christians, unforgiveness is not an option.

The truth is that we all have committed the worst of crimes by rebelling against God and trying to steal His Glory as our own. We have set ourselves to be our own god, and we constantly turn to things created to be our other gods, our idols, worshiping the creation over the Creator. Our hearts are wicked and sinful and only full of evil.

But God.

Even though we rebelled against Him, and deserve to die condemned to hell righteously, God made a way for our salvation. That way was to sacrifice His own Son, and have His Son die on a cross to take the penalty for our sin. Then, He rose His Son from the grave, and demonstrated His power over life and death through the crucifixion and resurrection. This was the only way God could forgive our sins, through the shed blood of His perfect Son.

God showed His children grace and forgiveness, and He calls all who follow Him to offer that forgiveness to others. Not because they deserve forgiveness, but because God showed us forgiveness and allows us the opportunity to share that with others, and draw them closer to God.

Should we hate the crime and horrible way Jodi killed her boyfriend? Yes!

Should we hate Jodi?

Certainly that would be the easy thing to do, but if you are a follower of Christ, you are not left with that option.

“but God shows shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15

Sometimes Things Get Worse Before They Get Better

I’m feeling a restless need to process truth that I know at the moment instead of in taking truth.  (That is to say, I feel like writing instead of reading.  I always have solid books to read, but when I can’t focus on them, sometimes it means my brain is busy figuring out what to do with what I’ve read, what I already know, what I’ve experienced, etc. Even through processing by writing though I am in taking truth so maybe that’s not the best analogy.  For now it will do.) 

God is using painful circumstances to humble me. 

The greatest circumstance I would submit to this point would be my current unemployment.  Ever since I lost my job in 2009 it has been a struggle for me to find work.  I had some bad experiences with a temp agency.  I found a tutoring position that ended within a month because it lost funding.  I auditioned to work at a catering business, but even though I was going as fast as I could, I was just too slow in making the product. 

I worked for a summer camp.  I worked at Chipotle.  I worked at a local bakery for one of the craziest bosses in the world.  Really I was too slow at both Chipotle and the bakery.  I suppose me and the food industry do not mix. 

I worked and still work for Easter Seals UCP.  And I have enjoyed working there, but just have never broke into full time employment there, instead trying to juggle multiple clients. 

Ahhh, there was a brief time of relief for me when I got my job at UMAR.  I was able to work 30 hours a week with my CAP program participant, and it was so fun!  And a huge stress relief.  I worked with her from late July 2012 until November 2012.  Then she left the house, and left me without a job. 

Although, I have been able to fill in at the UMAR house some days.  If I was able to be a residential counselor I would, but the meds I take at night really knock me out and I fear I would not be much help if there was an emergency in the middle of the night.  And that actually would happen.  This is just to say, I cannot take the RC position with UMAR because I would be responsible for the program participants overnight.  Not all group homes have the same structure with their RC schedules, and I’ve applied to many different group homes. 

I really thought I was a competitive candidate to be a teacher’s assistant in an EC classroom, because of my experience with individuals with special needs.  But, I’ve only had one interview for one of those positions.  I’m hoping to be considered for next school year as well.  I’d love to be a TA for any class.  Pursuing that though has been a dead end thus far. 

I’ve recently started filling in for clients at Maxim, but that’s all it has been, fill in. 

So… it’s been rough, looking for jobs, applying for jobs.  I’m convinced that you really have to network and know someone to get a job.  All of these random jobs I’ve applied for online, I never hear back from. 

For me, a graduate from one of the top schools in the country, a person who thinks herself somewhat intelligent and certainly capable of being trained to do many jobs with excellence, well… to not have anyone knocking on my door asking me to work with them, it’s been frustrating.  And embarrassing.  I don’t think people who have never gone through this really understand it.  Thankfully people have backed off as far as asking me tons of questions about my job search. 

It’s hard though, to keep trusting in God to provide when it seems like He’s keeping jobs from you! 

I’m thankful to have friends praying for me, especially for my heart to not become bitter.  I think that if I was not a Christian, it would be very bitter, and that is very sad. 

Thank goodness Christ is constantly working to redeem and restore my life. 

Anyhow, I’m reflecting on this seemingly fruitless, or almost fruitless, time of my life, because I’ve been thinking about how in the Bible, oftentimes circumstances get much worse, almost hopeless, before they get better.  And it’s a perspective that’s giving me hope. 

I’m reading in Exodus right now, how God used Moses to bring His children out of Egypt to the promised land.  And some of the horrible things that happened before God’s children left Egypt.  Like all the baby boys being killed because of Pharaoh’s command.  Like how every time Moses went to Pharaoh to tell him to let the Israelites go, Pharaoh would harden his heart and make the work of the slaves even harder, not providing straw for the bricks, still demanding the same number of bricks.  Every plague I’m sure the Israelites thought, surely now Pharaoh will let us go, but every time he hardened his heart and would not let them go.  It was not until the death of the firstborn son of all of Egypt that Pharaoh broke and screamed for the Israelites  to leave because they were a stench to Him. 

The point is, things got worse, much much worse, before they ever got better. 

God was completely in control.  He knew that Pharaoh would harden his heart.  He knew how many plagues would happen, and used each plague to destroy the reputation of the idols of Egypt.  He knew that things would get harder and more severe for His people.  But his deliverance showed His glory uniquely to Egypt and all the surrounding nations, that they would see the mighty hand of God and tremble. 

Of course we can look to the death and resurrection to see that when Christ was crucified, there was a very dark Saturday before the resurrection on Sunday.  Although it must have seemed like the universe was out of control when Christ was on the cross, God was most in control, securing the salvation of His bride through the death of His son. 

This is God calling me to a greater trust in Him.  I do not know if I will find a job tomorrow or a year from tomorrow.  Things seem bleak now but they could be worse.  But even if I never find another job, the resurrection of Christ has guaranteed a better day for me, when I will be in His very presence, and thus secured a greater hope and anticipation for that day to come soon.  This side of heaven may seem fruitless, purposeless, frustrating, dark, but as dark as it may get, as bad as circumstances could become here on earth, things will get better. 

I was wrong - God is humbling me

About humility that is. 

If humility is simply a question of putting others before yourself, then yes anyone can practice humility, however flawed that attempt may be. 

This I argued frustratingly in Bible Fellowship one time, because it's a bit gray, of course Christians can be humble, but can't non Christians also display characteristics of God because they are made in his image?  They could demonstrate the gifts of God without recognizing where those gifts come from, right?

But I recently have been reading Humility, True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney, and he gives a different definition to humility. 

Humility is honestly assessing ourselves in light of God's holiness and our sinfulness. 

Wow. 

There leaves no room for a non-Christian to be capable of true humility, because a non-Christian could not even understand that juxtaposition. 

So I would like to formally admit I was wrong to try to defend non-Christians as being able to demonstrate humility, thus humbling myself and my pride in the process.

I only pray that God will continue to keep me humble throughout my life, graciously showing me errors, flaws, and sins, patiently waiting for me to conclude rightly that I must ascribe all glory for anything good in my life to Him, drawing me closer to His love through the cross and His power through the resurrection. 

I have been using a prayer that J.D. Greear shared in his book Gospel: Recovering the Power that made Christianity Revolutionary.  It helps me remember many truths about my salvation, God's greatness, my responsibilities as a Christian, His love and compasssion and power.  I'll share it here because it might be of some encouragement to you as well. 

"In Christ, there is nothing I can do that will make you love me more, and nothing I have done that makes you love me less.
Your presence and approval are all I need for everlasting joy.
As you have been to me, so I will be to others. 
As I pray, I'll measure your compassion by the cross, and your power by the resurrection."

This recollection of encouraging truths has influenced me in a positive manner, especially in developing my prayer life.  May it be an encouragement to you as well, and help us all remember our faith is a gift of God, keeping us humble in light of His grace. 

Lyrical Theology

While I’m sitting here with my mom watching another wonderful movie thanks to Netflix for keeping the hits coming, I thought I’d review the latest album I’ve gotten, Lyrical Theology by Shai Linne.  Let me just say, I wish all albums produced such giddiness in me. 

I LOVE THIS ALBUM.  It was love at first hearing.  Listening to each song was like opening another wonderful present.  I never knew this music was missing from my heart until I heard it and it brought such joy! 

Maybe the beats are an old school throw back, but Lyrical Theology delivers with it’s lyrics.  These songs are very deliberate in unfolding Biblical Reformed theology in an easy to understand way, so you don’t have to be a scholar to understand what he’s saying. 

I don’t know, I’ve never heard an album just break down in a systematic theology path.  But literally I smile listening to every song. I’m not lying or exaggerating when I say it makes me giddy. 

Table of Contents gives an overview of where Shai’s theology will go in the album, and this song introduces the powerful theological truths that are about to be broken down.  There is no mistaking where this man is going, and it’s in a "no apologies this is what the Bible says" direction. 

And then Shai takes us there, from the hypostatic union, to active obedience… and let’s clarify, the active obedience is the active obedience of Christ, not our works.  Exalted is a sweet praise song thrown in the mix.  Regeneration, The Holy Spirit, Election… who writes songs unpacking these theological truths?  Shai, thank you brother.

Cosmic powers brings us the reality of the spiritual battle we’re all in, and it’s important to have that perpective, especially… our culture tends to ignore anything supernatural.  I wish there were more songs like this, how to engage in spiritual warfare.  Maybe that’s because of my own struggles with experiencing spiritual warfare and delusions and hallucinations, and I’m desperate for encouragement.  That to say, I appreciate this song a lot. 

False Teachers is by far the most controversial song of the album.  But I love it, it really blasts a lot of the blasphemous teachers out there getting away with lies virtually unscathed.  There will always be people wanting the health and wealth prosperity gospel, but the more people that are warned that that is NOT the Gospel, the better.  Shai takes responsibity of teaching his fans how to discern false doctrines.  Then he actually calls out some of the many false teachers in our society, Joel Osteen and then some.  I haven’t heard artists outright explicitly name those false teachers so I’m glad to hear it said.  This song should stir up conversations that need to be had, especially in the church, because false teachers really are confusing the flock and misleading them. 

Preach it Shai!

The rest of the songs are just as vibrant.  I really enjoy the Q and A with Stephen the Levite… but I enjoy them all actually.  I love a song that challenges us to read the Word, and With All My Mind seems the most fitting song to end an album that has engaged our minds with rich theology. 

I love the album because it brings these great theological truths into songs that people can understand and follow and learn from, and it's straight up good rap.  Music is SO influential to a person’s life, mind, soul, everything.  So, any album that can engage the Gospel clearly, explicitly, theologically sound, is a hit in my book.  Lyrical Theology is not just another hit, though, it hits the ball out of the park.  Please get the album and listen up J  and be blessed.