The Bad Guy and The True Good Guy

I am a people pleaser. 

To a fault, I want everybody to like me. I hate being the bad guy, I worry I won’t be able to discipline my kids if I ever have any, and then they will be really crazy and everyone will think I’m not a very good parent. I’ve always wondered if I could be strict, or if I would be too worried that I would be perceived as mean.

Until I started doing my job as a one on one with individuals with developmental disabilities.

Now, with the young lady I worked with last year, we’ll call her Tracy, overall she was pretty happy and compliant with rules and chores… until she had a weekend of meltdown bad hehaviors… but up to that point, the most trouble I had with her was limiting the sweets. If I told her no, she could not have a second piece of cake, or another cookie, she would get upset. Sometimes she would throw things on the ground. But, I was able to stand my ground. I told her she could be upset and even cry, but that she still would not get the extra cookie. Guess what?  She got over it and still loved me!

Now I’m working one on one with an older individual, Katie, and she is completely stubborn and does not want to do anything asked of her. I’ve worked with her every morning this week, and every morning she’s been late to get her meds, and then late to get dressed, late to breakfast, late to everything. Late to get going.  Stubborn. Tuesday morning she refused to get on the van for day program, and she wouldn’t move for me, the daytime staff, and even the manager! I tried to think of some kind of consequence that would motivate her… I said, Katie if you stay here, you do not get a free pass. I will make you do your big chore. Guess what? She got in the van.

Monday I had sat her down to explain why I was working one on one with her. It’s not a good thing. I’m working with her because she is not doing what she needs to do as part of the household, she’s monopolizing the staff’s time and attention so that the other ladies are over-shadowed by her bad behaviors… she takes entirely too long to do the few things she’s supposed to do, if she does them… she’s not taking care of herself… I’m the last resort of help before she’s kicked out of the house. So really, my job is somewhat sad to me.

I had to tell her that I am not there to be her friend, but that I’m there to encourage her to do her responsibilities and try to get her assimilated into the house community. So then I would probably ask things of her that she would not like or want to do.

I really talked to her about how her behaviors are disrespectful to everyone, her family, household staff, the other housemates, herself…

Basically I was explaining that I was going to be the bad guy.

I don’t think she got it in that moment, but as I’ve been on her tail all week to get her to do what she needs to do, she’s finally on to me.

I don’t like you following me, she says.

Well, if you did what you need to do, I wouldn’t have to follow you! Ahem, right now, following you is my job.

Today as she got in the van, she looked right at me and said, I don’t like you, I’m sorry, that’s just how I feel, and you are not my friend!

Okay Katie, that’s okay, I still love you, and I’m still your one on one, you’re stuck with me.

And it’s true, I do love her, and I hate to see where she’s headed. Nursing homes are just… I’m sure there are nicer ones, and her family will find the best one possible for her, because they have the money to do that… but … right now she is capable of doing so much. Once she is in a nursing home where she doesn’t have to do anything, she will quickly lose the ability to do many things, and the digression I’m sure will lead to a premature death.  Sort of, she’s already way outlived her life expectancy for her specific disability. Everyone who loves her wants so much more for her, but in fact, she may be giving up. Maybe she really is just tired and needs somewhere to rest. I think she could get plenty of rest at the home.

So, I’m being the bad guy because that’s what she needs. And actually, it’s okay. I understand that God is patient and gracious towards me, so how can I not be that towards her?

I wonder sometimes if this is the way God feels about us, when we are stubbornly persisting in our sin, and He is like, There is So Much More! I am Greater than that sin! I am who you NEED.

God has gone much further towards us than I could ever go towards Katie. He doesn’t stop an a few verbal prompts to rescue us, He has thrown His own Son to the earth to live perfectly on our behalf, to die the death our sin deserves, to rise from the grave declaring victory over sin and death and satan, to rescue us from our sins. He may seem like a bad guy when he threatens our idols or strips us bear of them, but He is the greatest Good guy in the history of the world. I am so undeserving of this wonderful gift. But I’ll take it, humbly, and by His grace He will change me into the person He’s created me to be.

Lord Jesus, let me lay Katie’s life at your feet, to do as You will, to change her heart, to make her whole. Let me point her to Your gracious love and help her to dwell at the feet of the cross. Whether she stays at the group home or moves to a nursing home, let her understand Your love that will not allow her to keep stuck in her sin but that will draw her closer to Yourself as her daughter. Thank You for  the patient love You have towards me, and let the Gospel always be a sweet reminder that even when life is hard and painful, You are still good and worthy of my praise.